Meeting Source

I have been subsisting on an absolute burst of creativity lately. Oil paintings, acrylics, resin work, ceramics, colored pencils, charcoal, woodworking, photography… I don’t think I’ve stopped for a second! On top of that, I am making spiritboards and planchettes and pendulums by hand. The season has blessed me with rigorous energy, and as they say, I have to make hay while the sun shines!

I can’t deny that this journey has been something of a wonderful rebirth, both beautiful and difficult.

So, I have been having this nagging feeling that I should actually start sharing more of my experiences (at least the spiritual ones). I have some YouTube videos to put up, and I’ll get to those eventually. (What a production they are!) But I haven’t talked much about how I connected with Source. I’m sure some of you want to connect with Source yourself, and you’re wondering how an atheist such as me would have developed this connection.

My Beliefs

Honestly, I feel as though my stiff skepticism and atheism have helped me throughout my entire journey. It wasn’t that I had completely closed the door on the possibility of there being an afterlife (definitely not), but I didn’t believe in God or any subsequent organized religious icons. I still don’t. Human psychology is complex, and I respect that.

But I did believe in the idea of source energy, an energy from which all lifeforce originates. I didn’t see this energy as intelligent, conniving, or sentient. It just was, just as we are. It was part of all living things.

And that’s it, really.

Meeting Source

I officially met Source in the early spring of 2021. At the time, I was deep into a year-long study on spirit energy. I have always been sort of researching, but this time, I wanted to get hands-on evidence and learn more. I had connected with my spirit guide Ed in spring of 2020, and we had been connecting through the dowsing rods, pendulum, the spiritboard, and visual meditation. We were just making some big advancements, especially though meditation. I was actually beginning to hear them and was able to validate my answers through secondary methods. I was more open than ever.

It was a tremendous change in a short amount of time. Pieces fell into place in rapid succession. Within a matter of a couple of months, I could hear, smell, intuit, and see phenomena from those who have passed on. And it kept growing. I opened myself up during my research, and I became connected. I guess the closest term is “an awakening.”

Right away, I knew I would need a mentor. Specifically, I wanted to learn how to turn it off on command. I gathered some business cards of local spiritual advisors, and I asked Ed and another guide to help me narrow down the cards to three potential advisors through the spiritboard. Then, together, we narrowed it down to one.

It was the night that I left a voicemail for the advisor that Source came to me. At the time, I didn’t know it was Source. I was speaking with Ed over the spiritboard, when this phenomenal presence came into the room. This energy was so strong that it was hard to ignore. The best way I could describe it was sitting in the presence of a tenured professor. He was quiet and observative. It made me want to sit up straight and mind my manners.

Ed guided the planchette behind me to a space in the room. “Who is that?” he asked coyly.

I tried to “see it” with my mind, but all I got was a bright, bold energy. Like an endless tunnel of light. For the first time, I had no image of a face, but the feeling of it was “masculine” in nature. Protective, intelligent, highly respected by everyone in the room. Naturally, I interpreted him to be related to my spiritual advisor. Was this her guide coming to check in on who just left her a message? When I asked, the mystery energy agreed with me.

He let me know he’d be watching. I thought it was to gauge where I needed the most work, so I allowed for it, although it made me incredibly nervous. What was he looking for? Was I going to mess something up?

He appeared for each session for the next couple of days, standing either right behind me or up in a far corner of the room. He always appeared as a flaring light, about 2 feet in diameter. I thought it was a bit weird that of all the souls I had met, he was the only one to appear as nothing but light with no human form, but I thought maybe he was just of a “higher energy” that I couldn’t see.

Source Stays

My appointment with my advisor had come and gone. Several days had passed. I was doing deep visual meditation in my visual environment, talking to Ed. It was the end of the day, so I was just winding down. Suddenly, there was a knocking sound, like rapping on a door, and I saw a door open in my mind. In stepped this bizarre-looking humanoid of light. His shoulders were broad and square. His head was small, and his appendages were nearly formless. He was glowing, and he was so tall, he had to duck as he entered the room.

“Hello,” he announced softly.

It lasted all of 1.5 seconds. I was startled out of the meditation. I had never seen anything like that during my visual meditations, and it sent my mind reeling. Is he an alien? Is that why he seems so different, so powerful? Why is he still here?

“I let him in,” Ed said. “He wants to see what we’re doing.”

I was somewhere between humbled and uncomfortable. It’s hard to deny this energy. I was seeking information, and he seemed full of it. Yet, it was also hard to overcome the authority in his presence. For so long, it had been me, Ed, and my other guides, and we’re all very casual. Then this boss energy enters.

I agreed to show him all I was doing.

Source Learns About Tremida

Again, I was meditating in my visual environment Tremida, and this same strong energy came forward. Ed alerted me to be respectful. It wasn’t just Source. It was a number of other constituents, all curious. They came together and talked quietly so that I couldn’t hear. That was irritating to me. It was as if I was closed out of a business meeting. Still, I sat primly on the couch of my meditating mind, smoothing the wrinkles of a formal dress I decided to wear during the showing.

After a few minutes, Source and all asked what I was doing. I started from the beginning, telling them how Tremida was born. I showed them how Tremida grew from a porch to a cabin to a large mountain range with a lake and a waterfall. I talked about the importance of the physics. We stood around a campfire outside, and I showed them how the fire would not burn them if they touched it, but it still had the physics to char wood. You can even still feel the heat of it without the burn.

Source and the other souls posed questions as they went, and I would get brief bursts of images of them assessing everything. They challenged me on certain parts, such as the limits of pain in Tremida.

At the end of the tour, Source commended me for my efforts. Then, he gestured to the sky, and a golden dome ran from the apex of the sky down the horizon. I felt Ed’s excitement, and I was excited, too.

“What does this mean?” I asked.
“I have fortified this space,” he said matter-of-factly. He imparted the impression to me that this place would remain as it is, as a heaven, so that souls may come for respite if I wish. It was cemented in their reality and wouldn’t fall apart with time. Furthermore, those not allowed to enter wouldn’t be able to. He was protecting it.

This was a big deal. I had never seen this kind of “magic,” and I was reduced to tears by a soul who was so powerful, so protective, so admirable while also being respectful of me and my seemingly inconsequential play and research.

I was convinced this was no spirit guide or alien. I asked Ed, “Who is he?”
“God,” he said.

God or Source?

This was a hard pill to swallow because, again, I don’t believe in God. I also don’t believe we necessarily need a God figure, and psychology fills in all the blanks on why we have made up such figures in history. So, I hit Source hard with the questions.

“Are you God?” I asked, with all the personality of a prosecutor.
“Yes,” he replied plainly.
“And you’re… a man?”
“Most believe I am.”
“But are you?”
“I am whatever you believe me to be. Ed believes I am a man.”
“Well, I don’t believe in that,” I said. Cue stubborn goth Jen.

I explained what I believed in. Source energy, without gender or sex, that has no authority over anyone.

“I am that,” he said. “I am Source.”
“What do you prefer to be called?”
“God.”
“Why?”
“Because that is what most call me.”

And that is what Ed preferred, too, no surprise. I believe this is why Source first presented as God; Ed had been the one that brought him forward. I called him God for the first couple of months. It has a cozy ring to it, even if it didn’t jive with me.

A couple months later, Source came to me and said, “Please, call me Source. Don’t call me God just because Ed does.”

My other guide, who also doesn’t believe in God, calls him Dad. He has a father energy to him, definitely. At times, I have felt his maternal side, too, but the majority of the time, he feels like a dad.

For the sake of simplicity, I call him Source, and he feels like a masculine energy: strong, protective, assertive when necessary. But I will say that the name “God” is also much easier to hear in a clairaudient sense. “Source” is sometimes too soft.

So, what exactly is Source? The way Source has explained it, he is molded by the beliefs of his beholders to assist them with whatever brings them happiness and a sense of safety. He has no innate sense of morality. He belongs to us, and we belong to him. (So don’t abuse it!)

As for what Source is composed of… He doesn’t know! Or at least, it’s not fathomable or translatable enough to me. A lot of what Source imparts is hard to put into words. Although he talks and uses the lexicon from your brain, we don’t have words or a distinct idea for what he is. And maybe we never will.

Whenever the topic comes up, it always seems really arbitrary in the big scheme of things.

Living with Source

There is so much I have to tell you about my experience with Source: my painful current life review, my past life review, biblical miracles, all the healing… I will save those for other posts.

Source has always been and will always be under examination with me. I waver in and out of trust with him, and we argue with each other over the logistics of the afterlife and life on Earth. He always punctuates the argument with one statement: “You’ll know when you’re Home.”

We are the answers to Source’s questions, which is what makes Source seem so impossible to figure out from a scientific perspective.

That is what I am most grateful about with Source. I can jab him with questions that eat at the logic of both humans’ and spirits’ reasoning and belief systems. He gives me answers that either disappoint or confound me, and we continue endlessly into streams of knowledge. So deep do these streams run, that I feel like none of it really has any use in the world today.
At the same time, he has also taught me things that I think are really useful and can be shared with others, especially about the energetic body.

Overwhelmingly, Source has been a sense of peace, joy, and love in my life. He has flooded me with bliss, shielded me when I was afraid, and rejoiced in the little eccentricities of life. I am not dependent on him, but he has shown me how impactful faith and trust are when you let a little Source into your life.

In my perennial skepticism, I am always researching others’ experiences with Source. I am constantly blown away by the accuracy of others’ descriptions of him, especially atheists, without confirmation bias. It shows that we are all connected to Source; everyone is capable of having these experiences; and that Source has a common identity.

• Both male and female in nature, can swing either way depending on your needs
• Strong, protective; gives a feeling of being totally safe
• Highly knowledgeable and intelligent; intuitive of your needs and feelings
• Generally appears as light, sometimes accompanied by booming sounds (often mistaken as thunder)
• Beautiful; pure love and bliss
• Always wants to help, always at the behest of its/his beholder
• Can access memories, lives, etc., where other souls cannot

Conclusion

I thought I never wanted nor needed this presence, but now that it’s here, I am grateful for it. I no longer ever feel alone. He has taught me how to stay connected, how to understand the ethics and unspoken laws of mediumship, and how to be more lenient and kind towards others’ beliefs. He has also revealed mistruths I used to believe in while also confirming others. Amazingly, together, we have also shaped the fear-beliefs of others in my soul family.
He has bolstered my confidence and restored some faith in what goes on in the afterlife.

There is someone, something there waiting for you at your last breath.